Sex And The Great Grandma

I remember, back in the Bill Clinton “glory days”, how wonderful it was that the expression “oral sex” had become normal, everyday, dinner-table conversation.

I remember learning a great deal about blue dresses, stains, and color contrasts… and frequently found myself engaged in discussing all things “cigar”.

Perhaps best of all, I remember how pleased I was to be forced to engage my son (11 at the time) on matters related to school yard jokes he’d picked up, and (with no idea why) how pleased he was with himself when he got me to practically fall out of my chair after telling me this gem at the dinner table one night:

“How is a candy vending machine and Monica Lewinsky the same?

They both say “insert bill here”!

My wife at the time… ex #2 by the grace of God… yelled at ME for laughing at that… “don’t encourage him!”… but how can you NOT laugh at a joke like that, when the rays of innocent sunshine BEAM from a little cherub’s face with absolutely NO clue what he’s just said and what it really means. Lord? I apologize…but there was no stopping me…

In the end, unfortunately, a new generation was introduced to things they shouldn’t have been because of a politician that broke the people’s trust…lied about it, got away with it, and stayed married despite it. What a great lesson for our kids that was…right?

But what about the rest of us; each to our own moral standard there were very few that actually LIKED hearing that stuff day after day after interminable day. And it went on for months, and the late night shows had a field day with it, and the pre-pubescent boys and girls lost a bit more of their innocence on the playgrounds of America…for no good reason other than because of the weaknesses of a man that happened to be the President.

I suggest the real story back then wasn’t even about the Slickster’s diddling with an intern so much as it was the extent to which our news system(s) cared about news as opposed to titillation…and I’d offer that – given this Cain disaster – very little of that has changed 20 some odd years later. Only NOW, as I live with and care for my mother, I’m re-living this embarrassment by watching a 79 year old great-grandmother react to the non-stop relentless hounding of a man, and the presentation of ancillary stories that have all but taken over the news in every form.

Dinner-time news last night covered the Cain debacle and this latest mess with Allread and that magical mystery woman trying to make her son proud by “telling on” Cain for an un-provable offense. Then it moved on to cover, in horrible detail, the Penn State story about a coach assaulting boys in the locker room…then TWO additional sexual harassment stories from the local area… and two MORE stories, this time about sexual assault charges. In one of the assault stories, we got to hear graphic details about a Doctor, and sliding his hands down a female patient’s pants, and the details about HOW he assaulted her.

These stories – ALL – in the first 8 minutes of the news cast.

I gotta ask a question here… do we NEED this level of detail at 6:00 pm when folks are sitting down for, or getting ready to eat, dinner? Is it as simple as that old weak throwback that tells us to “just turn it off”? Is it really even necessary to do anything more than report the crime, who was charged, who made the allegation, and then move on? I’m sure I’m asking too much, but I figured I’d at least ask the question.

And, as for Presidential politics, is this really more important than discussing our problems and how we’re going to solve them. Do we REALLY care more about stuff that can’t be proven (in this world of he said – she said) than about stuff that matters to every man, woman, and child in this country?

We all know that the women in these stories are going to be believed regardless the facts, and it’s because of the generation of successful emasculation conducted by women like Allread and others. We have all grown accustomed by now to the reality that men are always guilty until proven innocent while the ladies enjoy the reverse fortunes in our modern male-hating legal system. Can we move on now?

Do we need to keep talking about this? Can’t we just make up our own mind about Cain’s guilt in the ballot box during the primary and, in the meantime, focus on educating Americans on the issues?

I am horrified that, at my age, I have to spend my time watching the news with my mother and being made to discuss sex as opposed to talking about her SS and Medicare coverage in the coming year…hell, I’d even prefer discussing with her how “pretty” she thinks Bachman is, or how goofy looking that Ron Paul fellow is. I rather enjoy explaining policy and the positions of the candidates to her and which of them I think has the best shot at beating Obama, who she’s not particularly impressed by:

“that Obama guy scares me; he’s taken everything away from us and given us nothing back in return.”

THAT’S a much easier conversation than the one from the other night when I had to explain to her that:

“Yes, mother, there apparently ARE gay penguins, and although I’m not sure WHY, they really DO mean to separate the gay from the straight at the Toronto Zoo.”

I swear…the next time one of these things hits the nightly news, I’m going to call the man or woman in charge at the station, and have THEM explain that to her… I’m runnin’ out of straight faces here, and I’ve blushed about as much as I intend to.
[lead image via 123RF]